quotheraven's Diaryland Diary

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The Search

How is it that I'm searching for you constantly?
Be it during waking days.
Be it nightly while I dream.
Either in the drab reality
of this, our modern world.
Or in a far off land filled
with hazy, violet colored bliss.
There's one thing you can
be certain of and it is truly this.
And what occurs once I find you?
How can one describe seeing
heaven for the first time?
How could mortal words justify
such a splendor through a mere rhyme?
I don't know how
nor will I even try to convey
these thoughts of you,
these feelings that with each
heartbeat grow more true,
with letters and words that
barely scratch the surface.
With eye bats or a gesture
that doesn't even come close.
The fact is that only God knows
just how precious you are to me.
Only He understand why I search for you...
constantly...
I pray I always find you.
Otherwise I'll search forever until I do.

12:28 p.m. - 2010-01-07

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Read all about it!

So we meet again. SO much has happened in my life recently which isn't saying much because my life seems to be on a perpetual roller coaster at ALL times!

Josh, the love that I had known since childhood, has slithered back into the hole he crawled out of. Which is fine. I can't seem to take part in any lasting relationship and I'm aware of that and I've accepted that. Though I KICK myself for trying! So I'm single again after 15 years! I got pregnant at 16 by Ryan, then I left Ryan for William at 18, then left William for Jake at 22, then left Jake for Kelvin at 22 then left Kelvin for John at 27 then left John for Josh a year later. UGH! SO SO BUSY LEAVING ONE LOSER TO GO TO ANOTHER! So I deserve this love heartache bullshit because I keep setting myself up for it. But oh well, you live and learn. Or you keep fucking up like I do. HA!

What I HAVE learned is that BEING SINGLE COMPLETELY KICKS MAJOR ASS! I get the whole bed to myself! I get to watch what I want on tv! I get to listen to the music that I like and BLAST it! IT JUST ROCKS having only myself to worry about.

However, a casual sex partner would hit the spot...LITERALLY! I'm not obsessing over finding someone to fill that void (insert vagina joke here) but if a good one comes along that knows what I'm interested in and that I DO NOT want to love him, but I DO want to LUST him, then that'll be ALL GRAVY! :P

Aside from the relationship (or lack thereof) front, I am at a groovy new title company and ABSOLUTELY LOVE my job responsibilities, the people I work with, the city it's located in, EVERYTHING! So that and the fact that I have healthy beautiful children are enough for me in the "love" department. But GEEZUS! As soon as you change your relationship status to single on Myspace and Facebook, the sniffing men just SCURRY out of the wood works and all wanna get a piece! Maybe in another time and place when it was a bit safer, I'd be that commune pussy they so eagerly seek out. But because you can't even smile at someone these days without catching the AIDS, I will take my sweet and CAREFUL time...

So that's the latest scoop. Feel free to visit me at my PERMANENT home located at http://www.facebook.com/#/fireblyss?ref=profile.

Deuces!

11:17 a.m. - 2009-07-24

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-

With every breath of my body, mind and my soul I fall deeper
and deeper into love with him…

The sound of his voice envelopes me and I lose all control of myself. To be
near him is to look into the eyes of God Himself. To touch him is to experience
a flight of all of heavens’ angels at once through Shakespearean dreams and
Van Gogh’s Starry Nights…

To be blessed with even a single kiss from him consumes my every sense and for
a moment the earth ceases to rotate on its axle and all the life that inhabits
the world stops moving so that our love can dance and twirl with no interruptions.
I swear that I can even hear Venus’ jealousy and the sigh of Mars so envious.
His breath on my neck and the sound of my name on his lips could build a temple
of sunlight to the very zenith of the great and vast skies. Oh how I long to
get lost in his eyes…

How is it he does this to me? I hang on to his every word, to his every
gesture. You think me absurd? But it is true and this I will not be ashamed of.
For this I would give my life and DID give in all my lifetimes past. We are no longer one person. He is no longer merely
a man and I merely a woman. We are Ecstasy Incarnate. We are the evolution of all the romanticisms
that Greek Mythology was talking about. God, how I love him.

4:15 a.m. - 2010-09-16

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