quotheraven's Diaryland Diary

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About to die

The bosses mother is dying. She's 93. She has said she is tired of everything. She's tired of medical treatment, she's tired of being in pain, she's tired of having to depend on others to get from A to B. She's tired of being a "burden". Her kidneys have failed and she's turning gray in color. She's had a nice long life though, hasn't she? I don't know many people who live to such an age too often nowadays. It's still sad, though. When you know your mom is going to die and you know that you've been preparing for it, rehearsing it almost so that you don't feel such pain once the time finally comes to take her. But it doesn't make it any harder on the people who love her and will miss her. She knows everything about baseball. She knows about every team and every player and all of their stats. She watched it all the time. She was just a very interesting woman and I'm sad today because she is about to die and I can feel it coming and I'm not good about handling things like that. I'm not good with knowing how to comfort people when they need it because I wasn't raised having been shown affection in my own home from my own parents. Damn my parents for doing that to me! I wish I wish I wish I could make things better. She's going to die soon. I don't know if what I feel is sadness or jealousy. I don't know.

8:32 a.m. - 2003-11-25

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