quotheraven's Diaryland Diary

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Irritable

I do things sometimes that make me feel really guilty. I hate myself when I purposely put myself in that position and then I cry about it when it's my own fucking fault because I brought it on myself. I push those away who love me because I don't love myself so why should I allow anyone else to? I have this appeal that makes people think it's just OK to talk to me about their most candid and filthy feelings. Men especially find it so easy to talk about sexually explicit visions and longings of theirs. And what sucks is that I don't know if I necessarily mind hearing about it and partaking in the conversations. I hate that about myself! Do I come across as some kind of nympho or something? Do I have a sign on my face that says "I DO NOT DESERVE AN OUNCE OF RESPECT?" Appearantly I do. I don't know what I'm bitching about. I am just having irritabilities lately. I'm broke and Christmas is just around the bend, my kids don't listen to me, my husband and I fight alot, I feel fat today, my boss hates my guts, blah blah BLAH!!! I'm just pissed! I wanna scream and no one will even budge when I do.

8:18 a.m. - 2003-12-01

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