quotheraven's Diaryland Diary

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Mum's coming

Oh bore, just another day at work today. I got here a couple of minutes late because I've moved so far away from my gig it takes me an hour to get here and back. I love listening to Howard Stern in the morning. It's the only way I can actually start functioning because the shit they talk about just wakes you right up. Except for this one sound effect they use alot that is CLEARLY someone deep throating another and I literally have to pull my trash can out sometimes because I nearly spew. It's repulsive, but addictive. Most women hate Howard, so maybe it's the "man" in me who doesn't get offended at all when he says stuff that pisses other women off. Except for the time when the Pope died and he was cracking jokes on him. I was brought up Catholic and kinda felt uneasy about that, but I forgive him now.

My "mum-in-law" is coming from England next Friday the 10th. She's staying for a month! I don't mind because while she's here she cooks and cleans and does the laundry and I don't even have to ask her to do any of that. She likes taking care of people. The fact of the matter is I may just burn her damn passport and keep her in my house. She's a lovely little woman all of 4 feet 10 inches tall. She's strong as hell though! Her favorite store here is WalMart! She's amazed that there is such a place that you can get your groceries and clothes, car maintenence and nails done, portraits made, etc., all under the same roof. One day when she last visited 2 years ago that she went shopping at WalMart, she came in through the front door and had 7 bags of groceries in each arm and just maneuvered them with such ease! She even had to walk in sideways to get through the door frame and it was no big thang! She bought my boys a swing set for the back yard and once it was put together I decided I wanted it in another part of the yard, so that tiny woman picked up the damn thing by herself and moved it over there! She's so strong because where she lives in Rowley Regis, England, NO ONE has a car and has to walk or bus where it is they go. She walks a total of 90 miles a week or more for her job because she goes to clients homes to take care of them. She watches old people, bathes them, feeds them, etc. She works 7 days a week for under $300 a week. It's ridiculous. But she loves her job and it's all she knows. Let her do it because I have never fancied myself the type to WANT to wipe old folks bottoms!

She came in August last time and damn near died when she was here because of the Texas heat. She was also bitten by a Brown Recluse while she was here and had to go to the emergency room! It was an adventure for her. The only aspect I'm NOT looking forward to about her being here is her cooking. BLAHLAHLAH YUCK! This woman CANNOT cook a single meal without frying it in 6 inches of lard! I remember making breakfast one morning and was frying bacon and she asked why I was doing it like I was, WITHOUT LARD! I said "HUH? Bacon produces inches of it's own fat, anyway! Why add more?" But she did! She melted a shit load of lard in the pan and put her bacon in it to fry! She asked Kelvin if he wanted bacon with his eggs and he said, "Yes mum, but I think I'll have Lea's bacon." She got her feelings hurt. But who the hell wants to die right in the middle of breakfast? NOT ME! Nor Kelvin. They also only use salt to season their food. No other dry seasoning applies. They eat canned tuna drenched in malt vinegar for their tuna sandwiches. They eat a mound of mashed potatoes with tomato soup on top. They eat french fries in buttered bread like sandwiches. And the kettle goes off all day long because mum drinks about 12 to 15 cups of hot tea a day. No no baby. Not for me, not in the summer. I love sweet iced tea and that is an engima all in itself to the English. We are disgracing the tea by making it cold. GET OVER IT!

Anyway, I better pretend to be working before my scrawny ass boss gets here. I just wanted to say hey and tell yall what's going on lately. I'm looking forward to Saturday, my weekend Texas Hold Em' poker party! I got the official Poker Tour table and chips now. I'M SET!

8:13 a.m. - 2005-06-01

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