quotheraven's Diaryland Diary

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Marital problems...

I often wonder why I am even in a relationship let alone that I am married. I am clearly not made for it. It seems like I screw up everything in the end. Sure in the beginning it's all peaches and cream, but by the time we should be at the point where we are official and comfortable with each other, EVERYTHING he does just pisses me off to no end! Kelvin and I have been fighting alot lately. Mostly because we're both really hot headed, but none-the-less we are constantly fighting. I can't even look at him now days without getting the strong urge to just belt his head with an aluminum baseball bat! What does that mean? It's like even the sound of his voice crawls under my skin and peels it's way out through my spinal cord. Yeah, I know, I sound like such a bitch. I mean he does have all of these excellent qualities that I should bow down to him for on a daily basis. But what about my qualities? I am the primary bread winner. We have a house and a car because of me and my job. He has a PS2 because of me and my hard work. He has an entire new wardrobe from the one he brought over from England because of me and my job. I am an AMAZING cook and do so for him all the time. What more could a mother fucker ask for? And yet there is something crucial missing. That flame that was there that just burned with utter desire is almost completely gone now. That's the best way I can describe it, it has burned out. Is there any hope? I ask myself this all the time now. I don't know what to do. I never do.

8:34 a.m. - 2003-11-11

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